MRS AVRAM TAKES THE PISS. AND THEN DRINKS IT
It’s safe to say that Avram Grant probably wishes he had stayed in the shadows at Stamford Bridge instead of being shunted out into the spotlight to try and fill the shoes of Jose สล็อต 888. He looks terribly uncomfortable every time the cameras and microphones are waved in his direction, but it turns out that his wife is not exactly the shy and retiring type. Indeed, she is a celebrity in Israel and has done some fairly unusual stuff.
Tzofit Grant has decided to join her husband in England since he moved to Chelsea from Portsmouth – hardly the kind of club you would want to be associated with if you fancy being celeb in a whole new country – and has apparently set her sights on becoming English football’s most controversial and famous WAG. After all, how many others out there have drunk their own urine live on national television?
How many have you seen taking a bath in spaghetti and tomato sauce while sipping red wine? Or taking a dip in melted chocolate? Or shared a shower with soldiers after flicking through porn magazines with them? Yes, that’s right, none of them, and this is just the tip of the Tzofit iceberg. And now she’s coming over here: “I have a profession – anything could happen,” she said. “Not everyone has an opportunity like this, it’s going to be fun.”
“I know who I am and all our country knows who I am, so I am definitely not going to change myself for anything,” she says. “It doesn’t mean I don’t like the British – they are just like me. They take things as they come.” So, what does she make of her husband’s job? Well, apparently she likes going to the games, but isn’t always exactly popular: “I was at one game and she was the loudest person in the stadium,” said one Israeli football writer.
“There were times when she couldn’t go to matches because the fans vented their anger on her. But when Avram got it wrong, she sometimes joined the fans, cursed him and shouted: ‘Make some substitutions now you b*****d.'” Between her and Roman Abramovich, you really do have to feel sorry for poor Avram, don’t you? However, he does have her full support apparently: “I have been strongly and emotionally involved with the results of these matches for nearly 15 years,” she said. “My only happiness is to accompany my husband in these moments.” And drinking urine…
We’ll have to wait and see what the Chelsea fans make of Tzofit – if her husband is manager there long enough – but they certainly didn’t take too kindly to the Norwegian minister of cultural and church affairs when he visited Stamford Bridge. Trond Giske was at the Rosenborg game last week along with shipping tycoon John Fredriksen, and when they cheered the opening goal by Mika Koppinen, the home fans around them turned on them, chanting ‘Go home, go home’, according to reports.
The Norwegians fled and were moved somewhere more friendly, which wasn’t difficult as so few Chelsea fans actually bothered going to the game anyway. “We interpreted the situation as a bit unsafe,” Giske said. “We were 40 Norwegians in the middle of a Chelsea tribune, at half time we were given quieter seats at our own request.” Luckily for them, Tzofit Grant might not have bothered attending that game, before her husband took charge of the team, otherwise there might not have been any quiet seats anywhere.
Of course, being Chelsea manager means that Grant can get used to playing a real-life version of Football Manager, splashing the cash to assemble a team of global superstars. But even he couldn’t manage to get a line-up like this: Cristiano Ronaldo, Ronaldinho, Jamie Carragher, Dani Alves, Cafu, Michael Essien, Ruud van Nistelrooy, Steven Gerrard, Thierry Henry, John Terry, Lionel Messi, Kaka, Iker Casillas, Fabio Cannavaro, Hernan Crespo, Petr Cech and Wayne Rooney.
That might sound like a dream team rather than a real one, but it’s the squad list for Lynam Athletic club in the Birmingham Coronation League Alliance Division 3. They first became famous when they entered Carling Pub Football’s awards in the Team Most in Need of Help category, and won. Getting a training session with Plymouth boss Ian Holloway was their next step on the road to glory, and now the players have all legally changed their names by deed poll to those superstar names you saw above.
It was all the idea of player-manager Cafu (formally known as Dan Branch) in a local pub: “Whoever thought you would see Henry, Messi and Gerrard play together in a Birmingham park on a wet and windy Sunday?” Captain John Terry added: “It’s going to be tough against the Iron Horse at the weekend as its Ronaldinho’s birthday on Saturday. We’re not in the best shape as both Thierry and Ruud smoke about 20 a day and Gerrard is always half cut on a Sunday – nothing like their namesakes.”
MRS AVRAM TAKES THE PISS. AND THEN DRINKS IT